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​​​​​​​​​August 18, 2018 First, a caveat: We all do some of the things in this playbook. For example, because a person lies once it doesn’t make them a pathological liar. Please don’t diagnose people as pure evil because they dodge blame for something. That’s being human (we all snitch a piece of chocolate now and then).
But if there is a noticeable, clear pattern of manipulative behavior your suspicion should be correct. Think: a wolf in sheep’s clothing.
LIES: Fibs are usually not black and white, straight-up falsehoods. Those are too easy to catch. People lie by omission or distortion: “Oh, you were talking to me?”
CHARM AND ANGER: These are covert aggressive ploys. Why respond to an accusation? Distract your way out of it with flattery and humor. When cornered, act angry. Anger is an involuntary emotional response. If you see it switch on or off without good reason (especially after a previous tactic failed) smell a rat, there’s a plot. The person is trying to intimidate you and put you on the defensive.
PLAYING THE VICTIM: You don’t mind seeing people suffer. The truth is you hate seeing people suffer and they know it. So they’ll make themselves out to be the one in distress.
RATIONALIZE AND MINIMIZE: You want to believe somebody is a decent person. That means you look for a way to excuse their behavior. And they’re more than happy to give you one. A rationalization is the excuse an aggressor makes for engaging in what they know is inappropriate or harmful behavior. Minimization is insisting it’s “not that big a deal.” 
GUILT TRIPPING: Covert aggressive people don’t feel bad, but they know you do. If they send you on a guilt trip, you’ll ease up with the accusations.
SHAMING: Putting someone down to make him or her feel inadequate or unworthy so the aggressive can maintain dominance. The more you feel bad about yourself, the more likely you are to defer to them.
MANIPULATORS: These folks are skilled at using what they know to be their victim’s greater conscientiousness as a way to keep them in a self-doubting, anxious, submissive position. They tell a conscientious person that they don’t care enough, are too selfish, etc. and immediately the person feels bad.

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​​​​Terry Martin Ph.D​

Bob Cayne

Reflections on Life

Bob Cayne

​​​​​​​​​​August 18, 2018 Your brain loves to be efficient. Once it learns something and does it over and over, it becomes routine, like breathing.
Consider if your habits are productive or not. Focus on eliminating the bad ones––like being busy. Being busy is a state of mind. You have too many unplanned things going on. Think about all the actions in your head. Take inventory. Put them on your calendar in order. Simplify your life; your brain will be more efficient.
When you leave life to chance, you aren’t setting goals. That means you aren’t pursuing your dreams. In this scenario, you are living someone else’s dream. If you fail to plan long-term goals and set intentions for your life living day-to-day will ruin your life.
If you are a “scarcity thinker” put a stop to it. Scarcity thinking means that you believe life is limited––it only has so much to offer. There’s not enough. Not enough time, not enough money, not enough fill-in-the-blank. People with scarcity mindsets think there are always a winner and a loser (never two winners). They resent competition, are fearful, entitled and think small.
On the other hand, people who are abundance thinkers always believe there is more to come, they invite and welcome competition, they default to trust, they think big, are thankful, and confident.
Don’t get in your own way. If you have negative hurtful thoughts about yourself, you are getting in the way of living a better life. Stop surrounding yourself with people who don’t support you.
Consider this: you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. Choose wisely.
Stop comparing yourself to other people. Always remember: your only competition is yourself.
If you multitask and do a bunch of things at once, now is the time to stop. Why kill your productivity and time management? Why feel overwhelmed and out of control and exhausted?
By stopping these habits you will begin improving your life. The results will be incredible.

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